Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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