I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
NoShamevember. You game?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
