dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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