Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
