Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize