I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
