dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
