There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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