There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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