I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
