so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
