No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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