I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
