YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
