when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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