if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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