Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
