so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
