This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
