My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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