this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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