Apparently you make a good broom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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