I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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