Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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