Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
