My liver just broke up with me...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize