i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry about my life...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
