Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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