I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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