i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize