i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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