good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
