What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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