Nicole vs. Life
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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