You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
