Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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