feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
