Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
