Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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