it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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