I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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