We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
handjob tips. give me some.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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