I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
