I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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