operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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