If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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