your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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