I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
