yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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