I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
