I look better un-naked...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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