I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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