I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
