Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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