Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
