Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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