All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
