She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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