Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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