Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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