Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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