Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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