Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
