I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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