All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want her autograph on my taint
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
