my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
