i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
