No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
