it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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