worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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