i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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