THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
