my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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