Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
