Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
