It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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