uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
