I hate your face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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