guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
