apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
