he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
