walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
