when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
Randomize
