She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
