giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize