Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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