You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care