Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.